For the past few months I have been off the map. I have been so busy starting a new career, finishing my clock hours to finalize my degree, taking the CPCE (Counselor preparation comprehensive exam) & being a mother; a woman. Wheww! So much has happened the past few months, but I DID IT! I’m here, and I am ready to continue to walk in my purpose.
In July 2019 I began a position at Riker’s Island as a facilitator and my role is to facilitate psychoeducation & help the participants (inmates) learn basic life skills. Such as financial literacy, English language, anger management & the list goes on. One thing I can say is “We have to go' harder, we have to raise our' sons and grow our daughters”. The number of minorities and the amount of generational trauma, poor upbringing, unhealthy living conditions and neighborhoods, poor parental supervision/guidance, substance abuse, broken homes, foster care and overall lack of emotional intelligence was devastating and most definitely led to the poor decision making that caused them to be incarcerated. Nonetheless, I can relate to each and every single participant, why? Because I too experienced all the above and everyday while working I think “I was just one decision away from being where they are right now”. Some participants are incarcerated because they made a poor decision, had a lack of emotional regulation, was trying to survive or even suffered from substance abuse and was feeding their habit. Not to validate or justify the alleged crime that was committed, but each and every individual on earth is one decision away from being where they are. The difference with this particular population for some is access to education, information, resources and poor emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to manage emotions and recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others. Emotions can drive our behavior and impact people negatively or positively. Being emotionally aware is part of enhancing your EI, this is the ability to identify and name one’s emotion while harnessing them and applying them to tasks like thinking critically and problem solving. The ability to manage emotions includes both regulating one’s own emotion when necessary and helping others do the same.
Practicing awareness is one of the critical components of enhancing EI. This involves understanding yourself and why you are feeling the way you do and figuring out what you don’t know about yourself. In this new day and age with advanced technology and social media, distraction is at an all-time high, these distractions can mask your true emotions and cause you to avoid a lot of uncomfortable feelings. It is important to take a “internet break” as I like to call it and really re-center yourself and focus on what your triggers are and why you’re feeling the way you do. Once you start realizing how you feel and the reasoning behind it, it may bother you, you may realize you been acting like an asshole, and you’re actually not that nice. Whatever it is you feel don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re taking the step in recognizing your emotions and working on becoming emotionally aware and stronger.
The next step is to channel your emotions, there is no such thing as good or bad emotions, but there is a good or bad reactions from your emotion; anger can be destructive if you hurt others but it can be a good emotion if you use it to protect yourself or others. Anger is my weakness. I get angry from disrespect. I get angry when things don’t go as planned, shit I even get road rage; but when it relates to someone, I am emotionally attached to my anger tends to fly off the handle. It’s important to be goal directed when it relates to your emotion. I’ve learned to really try and channel my anger to something more productive. Whether it’s blogging, working out or trying new cooking recipes. It’s important to understand your emotions but also, to understand the emotions of others. This will allow you to develop healthy relationships with others. Empathizing, listening and acknowledge someone’s pain as yours’s are key components. This allows you to value their existence and treat them how you would want to be treated.
When you set standards for yourself and understand who you are and what triggers you, what you can and cannot handle and what you value all while utilizing these skills with your loved ones, you are able to build healthier relationships, have a clearer mentality when it comes to decision making and ultimately eliminate unnecessary bullshit.