During my academics as I shared in my past posts, philosophy played an important role in building my character and creating a foundation of values and beliefs as an individual for me. If anyone knows me they know how passionate I am about my beliefs and also how irritated and disappointed, I can get when things don’t work out how I would expect them to work out. I think these characteristic stems from my childhood and the lack of control I had in life, then.
The power of expectations create’s suffering rather than focusing on ourselves we look at the actions of others and this can create emotional turmoil. When you place expectations into the hands of others, you are ultimately giving them the power to control your happiness, as soon as this individual does not do what you expect them to do, your mood shifts and now anger and sadness arises.
As hard as it is for me to say this because I feel the need to have high expectations for others, because I truly believe in holding people to a higher standard and expecting them to live up to that standard. Not because I want to be mean, or have any ill intent but because I truly see people for more than what they show me. I feel like everyone has a special gift and sometimes they may not even know of it. Everyone is special in my eyes and every human carry the potential to become a better individual for themselves first and society second, the biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
Now the keywords in the above paragraphs, I, ME, EXPECTING THEM to live up to a STANDARD I HAVE SET!
Read it out loud! Cause I sure have. As I understand it, I begin to feel selfish to impose that on someone now that I think of it. My standards and their standards may not be the same and even though I may THINK my way is the best way, doesn’t mean they feel the same way. The secret to happiness is low expectations.
To reduce high expectations, it’s important to take responsibility of your actions, if you do something, do it because you want to do it not because someone is expecting you to do it, this is about you controlling your own life. Separating your wants from your should. This leads back to expectations imposed by others, usually, this is the parent voices in our heads, when we don’t live up to a certain expectation instilled in us by our parents we tend to feel guilty. It’s important to focus on our wants based on our own foundation, core values, and beliefs, this is what we feel in our heart and gut.
AVOID BEING A MARTYR (I think this best describes me), you feel you do everything for yourself and the people around you & expect it in return! You expect people to appreciate you & reward you & when they don’t you become resentful and act out. Operate on pure love and understand that not every one person is the same, this is who you are & expect nothing in return. I’m certain I’m not the only person who looks ahead into the future and try to be five steps ahead, this can mentally entrap you. It’s important to live in the now, make your decision, for now, don’t worry about what others may think, or what may happen, if something were to happen I’m sure you will make the best decision then.
Following these guidelines may be difficult because we’ve already been hard-wired to process thought in a different way, and that could’ve stemmed from a multitude of experiences. Try being mindful of the tips given, and try to record whether they have been helpful, I have and when I continue to remind myself i tend to feel less let down. Happy reading!